Mashed Potatoes (On The Sly)

My grandmothers would not be happy. My own mom, now 84, and still a great cook (her goulash, her chop suey, her cabbage rolls are beyond compare!) will not be happy. But what I share with you today has been whispered about in bars and restaurants, in basketball gymnasiums and hockey arenas, over the past two weeks. It's time for me to finally just say it! INSTANT MASHED POTATOES ARE GREAT!

I have avoided this topic my entire life. There is no way that something that comes in a box would taste better than the real grown-in-the-dirt or aged-on-the-vine vegetable. Impossible! But it's true! I have tasted this first hand. And I've always been called a "meat-and-potatoes" guy, so I should know.

Oh, the sight of Grandma Jock and Grandma Gagnon (who we called "Miner") peeling potatoes in front of the kitchen sink is still fresh in my mind. Likewise, my mom has peeled countless potatoes in her lifetime. More than a 50-pound bag ... perhaps a room full of 50-pound bags because the Gagnon boys are "meat-and-potatoes" guys.

And even I, whenever I took it upon myself to shop and cook, would grab the russets rather than look for a vegetable in a box. And peel, peel, peel with potato peelings flying around the kitchen. But not anymore!

This is all thanks to my longtime friend Mike Flynn, who let me in on the secret now that he's retired and become the chef of the Flynn household. MIke's description left my mouth watering. He used words like "creamy" and "buttery" and "easy." I was all ears! It had been over a year since the Fox household had eaten mashed potatoes. I'd grown too lazy to peel, didn't want to take the time to cook, and grown too lazy to pick up the mess. However, inspired by Mike Flynn's eloquent description of instant mashed potatoes I couldn't wait to try them myself.

The very next day I entered the grocery store, bypassed the produce section with a grin (feeling the eyes of the potatoes watching me!) and searched for the aisle with the boxes of instant mashed potatoes. It took less than a minute. So many choices -- with cheese, with onions, with .. with ... with .... but I wanted the original, good ol' "homestyle creamy butter" mashed potatoes.

That evening I prepared them. Have you ever looked at this stuff before you prepare it? I immediately questioned Mike Flynn's description. Mike has always been a prankster, you know. Had he set me up for a "wild Fox chase" to the grocery store? What I saw inside the box was more like soap flakes, dried-up skin pieces, or Andre the Giant's dandruff!

Minutes later, however, I was one happy "meat-and-potatoes" guy! I enjoyed the creamiest, butteriest, tastiest mashed potatoes I have ever eaten. And in just a few minutes! Oh, who would have thought? A guy like me who has resisted change his entire life is now buying boxes of potatoes! What's next? Instant corn on the cob? Instant asparagus? Oh, that Mike Flynn is quite a guy!

Comments

Foxy,

WOW! You are the man! I did in fact just try the Betty Crocker boxed mashed potatoes, and I am hooked! I am done pealing! So, this brings me to an idea; Foxy, the Gentlemen's Guinea Pig! You can try products made to simplify our everyday lives, and write about the good and the bad. We as readers can offer up suggestions.....example, does the disposable toilet cleaning brush make the bachelor lifestyle easier? Catch you later.

Posted by: Ed McCallister | February 8, 2006 4:21 PM

foxy ,flynnie's mashed potatoes are nothin...ask him about his microwave scrambled eggs! (he can make an egg McFlynn in less than 2 minutes)

Posted by: casey | January 4, 2006 2:35 PM

Hi Foxy...Good or bad, I'm proud of you for trying something DIFFERENT!! You are pretty famous for being somewhat "stuck in a rut". Not that there's anything wrong with that!!! Mike Flynn...you should be impressed that he would trust you enough to try the "creamy and buttery" boxed variety!!

Posted by: Gale Carroll | January 2, 2006 6:59 PM

Foxy - one more bit of advice from an ol' WV hillbilly - the AM announcer on my hometown radio station always signed off with the same home grown advice - "...Don't get any gravy on your chin...."

Posted by: Steve Fretwell | January 2, 2006 2:29 PM

The "instants" are a great time saver in hunting camp and nobody has complained yet.

Posted by: Tom Cronin | December 31, 2005 11:24 AM

Add a little cream cheese to them and you will think you died and went to heaven! Love the blog spot! You are one awesome "dude" as they say here in Texas! Miss the North Country and all my peeps!

Posted by: Sandi Lechowit Mueller | December 31, 2005 9:54 AM

When I suggested you create a blog you can sink your teeth into, I didn't quite mean this. Also, the reference to the early bird specials must have triggered something in your head that was best left alone. While you're on the subject, try mixing instant pudding with cool whip & pouring it in wine glasses-Instant Moose. The list goes on and should satisfy all those contemporaries reading your column. Just don't spread it on that head of yours, it's not the moose we younger people use. And two pig tails don't equal a pony tail which looks better than a comb-over for most people-think about it! The best solution is to wear the Dodger hat 24/7. I'm through with this blog-counter blog stuff-I'm moving on to Homer.

Posted by: W | December 31, 2005 8:44 AM

No way Foxy. The real deal is the far greater peel. Do instant potatoes even have peels ??

Posted by: Tom Gillen | December 31, 2005 6:45 AM

I just wanted to agree that instant mashed potatoes are far superior to real potatoes. Also I just wanted to say hi to Foxy :) Hope all is well!

Posted by: Emily Ordway | December 30, 2005 10:59 PM