On The Sly

So, with the meal concluded and the dessert enjoyed, the family made a premature departure so that I could go to the CVPH emergency room. And that's what I did. The place was busy. I was in no hurry, anyway. After Chris Swiesz, former star athlete at Seton Catholic Central, initially took my vitals and interviewed me, he offered me a comfortable seat in the waiting area.

And wait, I did. Two hours. Oh, well, Lily's kitty dish was full of savory salmon delight, so I knew she would be content in my absence. I usually bring my own reading material in these cases, but in my haste to get my frozen face checked out I had left my Rolling Stone and ESPN the Magazine on my living room couch. After reading the Sunday edition of the Press-Republican three times, I decided to take a nap in the waiting area.

At 4:30pm I heard my name, and it was my opportunity to further wait, but the waiting area would be in a room by myself, and a bed was now provided. Perhaps the others in the public waiting room had complained about my snoring. Nevertheless, I was closer to seeing some emergency personnel. Michelle and Kevin immediately spoke with me, took my vitals again and asked how I was doing. From the right side of my mouth I muttered, "Okay."

Michelle provided me with a pillow and some reading material. Unfortunately, the only magazines available were two copies of Prevention Magazine. Every article seemed to be aimed at me. "5 Ways to Lose Weight in a Month" and "Do You Get Enough Exercise" and "Watch Those Late-Night Snacks" stared at me from the magazine covers. I swear that one article was titled "Don't Eat Too Much Cabbage Salad on Mother's Day" and another was titled "Ham Dinners Can Cause Your Face to Tingle."

From my vantage point I could tell how busy the emergency room was. No nurses were standing around reading Prevention Magazine articles. They were scurrying from one place to the next. EMTs from around Clinton County passed by my doorway, bringing patients with more serious problems than the guy in Room 16 who can't raise his left eyebrow or move the left side of his lip.

So I waited. At 5:45 a doctor approached. He was a guy who even looked like a doctor. He asked me questions and pushed and probed around my face. He had me do leg exercises, face exercises, hand exercises, all in an effort, I assume, to diagnose the problem. I took an immediate liking to Dr. Klaudt. He kept me informed while checking out my eyes, ears and throat. He mentioned that, given my history, he wanted to rule out heart problems and rule out a stroke. So, he ordered a blood test and a CAT scan.

Dr. Klaudt's initial diagnosis was that I had Bell's Palsy. My first concern was, "Can you fix it?" He assured me that this was something that was temporary. I immediately started thinking of the ham dinner leftovers that Theresa and Darlene had left in my refrigerator.

So, Kevin drew blood and gave me a NASCAR-like ride to get a CAT scan. By 7pm I was back in Room 16, waiting for the results of the test. Overall I felt fine, a lot better than the guy who was in the hallway and couldn't even move due to a bad back. I felt my departure was within the hour. Get the results, get the diagnosis and get out the door. I took off my funny gown which showed my rear end, and got my clothes back on. I strolled into the hallway, watching the staff carry out their tasks. There must have been twenty or more people busy in one fashion or another. Michelle checked on me and I said I was doing fine and i think I mentioned something about "ham dinner leftovers."

A library of medical books stood just outside my room. Manuals, textbooks, binders, all with the suitable long medical word titles. One, however, caught my attention. It was a binder called "Blood Transfusion: Step by Step." I couldn't help but wonder why someone would write such a book. If someone is giving me a blood transfusion, the last thing I want is them holding a book and checking, "Okay, what's the next step?" When was the last time someone read that book at CVPH, I wondered.

At 7:45pm Kevin told me that the results of the blood test and CAT scan had arrived. Standing in the doorway I could tell the busy pace of Mother's Day emergencies hadn't slowed down. City Fire Department EMTs King and St. Dennis arrived with a patient who was surely in her nineties. In fact, the staff asked me to vacate my room and sit in the hallway so that this patient could have a room. No problem! I placed the chair in the hallway closer to the exit door.

Finally Dr. Klaudt returned with the final diagnosis, Bell's Palsy. With medication I should start to feel better in a week to two weeks. Usually no long-term effects. No cause for it, so I can't blame it on the hot wings I had on Friday night, nor the cabbage salad on Sunday. Follow up with my family doctor. I thanked Dr. Klaudt for his expertise. I was happy I didn't need a blood transfusion.

Kenny, one of the busy CVPH staff, brought me some medication to take immediately. I was now just several feet from the exit door. A former student, Mary, now a CVPH nurse, kept scurrying by me. The staff would stay. Michelle still had almost four hours left for her shift, as I left at 8:30pm.

Some would say that six hours was too long . Not me! I was treated great, the staff was busy, and it is amazing how many people go to the emergency room with various afflictions, even some imagined. So, frozen half-face and all, I took my Bell's Palsy home.

Now, on Tuesday, I'm still not able to purse my lips properly or lift my left eyebrow, but I'm trusting that my bout with Bell's Palsy will end soon. Hey, I'm just happy to be alive. CVPH, great job! Six hours in a lifetime is nothing. And today for lunch I'll be enjoying a ham sandwich and some of that great cabbage salad that Goose left behind!