On The Sly

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of heights, but standing on the back of a pickup truck has been known to make me woozy. I approached the front rain gutters and eyeballed the dead leaves and twigs that needed to be swept away. Of course, the closer I was to the rain gutter, the sharper the angle downward. Suddenly, before I could even disrupt one dead leaf, I began getting dizzy. My head twirled and my right foot involuntarily took a step toward the end of the roof. In an instant I saw my new 2003 Pontiac Grand Am waiting to break my fall.

I pushed my body backwards, falling on my back, hitting my head on a few black shingles. With the blue sky in my vision, I realized that there must be an easier way to clean the rain gutters. Putting my life in jeopardy in back-to-back summers was not the route to take. Are clean rain gutters really that important? Who invented rain gutters anyway? Can't they make self-cleaning ones?

Following a three-year hiatus today was the day to clean the rain gutters. But, as for this old man, I would step no higher than my back porch. I employed the assistance of a friend-of-a-friend, a 22-year-old dude who lifted my forty-foot ladder like it was yesterday's lunch. Up he went, a smile on his face, ready to conquer those pesky rain gutters.

And what a job he did. He plucked out dead leaves and mud and I helped by carrying the water hose from the front to the back of the house. I think I was a good helper, keeping up with the young dude, matching each step on the ground with each step he took on that treacherous rooftop.

But, alas, a problem! One of the downspouts was blocked. This was what was causing the overflow I had noticed a few weeks ago. My friend-of-a-friend put the nozzle of the hose right into the downspout, but that only forced water to ooze out some of the seams of the downspout. He knew he would have to dismantle the downspout from the house and clear out that gunk that had accumulated over the past three years.

Have you ever seen what is going on inside those rain gutters and downspouts? I was amazed when gobs of black gunk started exploding out of the dismantled downspout. What is this stuff? It had turned to soggy mulch and there were even some worms residing inside this mess. It looked like something you'd see in a science-fiction movie. Pounds and pounds of this stuff were ejected onto my back lawn. It'll make good mulch for your lawn, my young friend assured me.

It could also scare off burglars! Don't go near Foxy's house. He has this black gunk growing on his lawn. Twenty pounds of it! Run for your lives!

This young dude even put those confusing downspouts back in the right order and reattached it to my house. It's helpful for an old guy like me to have a young dude who can help out from time-to-time. But I kept right up with him, keeping busy holding pieces of rain gutters and those all-important screws.

It's a great feeling, getting those rain gutters all cleaned out after all this time. And I didn't even risk falling off a roof. That young guy will probably be back in a few weeks with some other important job to help out with. But, don't worry, I'll keep up with him every step of the way.