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The Dating Scene - Three Months Later
It's been three months since I've talked about the dating game, which is an interesting game for a retired guy who never thought he'd date again. The last time I mentioned anything to do with "wine, women and song," if you know what I mean, was on December 28, 2006, and I was fresh off my first date with a real life wonderful girl.
Over the past almost-three months I've been asked many times by friends and acquaintances about the status of my relationship with this female friend. She has probably been asked questions as well. In addition, I've been given advice, especially from women, about how to handle dating in the 2000s.
One thing for certain is -- dating takes time. Even though I'm a retired old man, I've discovered that time is something I don't always have. Believe it or not, I have days when I'm on the go from sun-up until sundown, and then some. I have days when I am gone from my home from 9 in the morning until 11 at night. But I guess I'm the kind of guy who likes it that way!
But to be dating, I mean, really what one would call dating, as in, "Foxy, are you and Gwen Stafani dating?", takes time. Not just the hours that it takes to escort Gwen to dinner or to a movie or to a cultural event. But the time it takes on the telephone making plans, or the time it takes instant messaging on the computer to figure out what night would be best to "hang out" or "hook up." Oh, there are those other words again!
I received another piece of advice from a female (who I'll call Elaine) who appears to me to be worldly and knowledgable and experienced. She told me that when it comes to relationships one has to be careful about the "first kiss." This Ann Landers wannabe has warned me, "Foxy, be careful in a relationship about the first kiss. Once you kiss her, it will be over." She meant over, as in "the girl will consider you all hers." I scoffed at that notion. Kissing is a nice thing. Do women in the dating game really consider kissing that important?
Elaine then looked at me real seriously, her brown eyes lasering into mine. "Did you ever see the movie FATAL ATTRACTION? That's required watching if you're going to be in the dating game," she warned.
Yikes! Of course, I've seen that movie. Of course, it makes an impression on any guy with a conscience who ever even remotely considered having a fling. But is there a message in that movie for a happy-go-lucky retired teacher like me?
If you've never seen FATAL ATTRACTION, it involves a guy who has what he thinks will be a one-night stand with a wonderful irresistable woman. However, she invests much more of her emotions than he does, and she turns his married world into a nightmare that no guy would wish for.
Elaine! All that from a simple wonderful kiss? Heck, kissing is a great pleasure. I'd put it right up there in my top ten pleasures of life, right alongside a Dodger Dog at Dodger Stadium or sharing a bucket of hot wings with my son. There's not a guy reading this who wouldn't admit he enjoys kissing.
The main thing I've learned from my brief journey into the dating world is that dating takes work. Like anything else, it's something you have to work at in order for it to be successful. The problem is -- I'm supposed to be retired!
Comments
Hey Foxy, here is some advice from a younger reader. Believe it or not, we aren't that much different when it comes to the dating game. I had a long term relationship all through high school and through most of college. When it ended (thank god it did by the way), I had no clue what I was doing!! I mean I knew that girls like to go to dinner, ect., but I had no clue how to come on to a girl or that kind of thing. I had been out of the mix during some prime years I guess. Anyway, my advice is to just not worry about things and just let things happen on their own. I had no intentions of going to South Padre and finding anyone, but it happened. So just don't worry about when it's right to kiss someone, just let it happen. If you don't force it, then the RIGHT moment will come one day!
(Foxy's note: As I wipe the sweat off my brow, I'll say thanks, Aaron, for some solid advice from a guy I trust!)
Posted by: Aaron | March 20, 2007 1:37 PM
Hey Foxy, if you want some real insight, you should pick up a copy of Cosmo or some magazine like that.
---It's like having the other team's playbook!
Posted by: Tony | March 16, 2007 10:14 AM
Alas, but a kiss is just a kiss. It’s the whole package that a woman considers. She has to like what she is looking at. If she can’t stand to look at “her man” then that man isn’t going to be her man! And then there’s the ever-popular quality of ‘beautiful on the inside’. Does the man have a good personality? Does he have a good sense of humor? Is he caring and sensitive? Does he like kittens? Ultimately, love is blind, however women are not! And, yes, a great relationship does require a little work, but no more than a great friendship!
(Foxy's note: Wow, spoken like Dr. Phil, Kern! Thanks for the insight.)
Posted by: Kern | March 16, 2007 9:40 AM
The kiss is a sure way to find out if your date of hanging out will turned into a future hook up date. There are three different types of a kiss.
1 The kiss in the air on both cheeks, sign of just friends usually done at social gatherings. 2. The quick peck on the lips another just friends kiss.
3. The long sensual knock you off your toes kiss the one that makes you smile and want more. This type of kiss will guarantee you a hook up date the other two will result in your standard hang out date.
Dating is like job hunting. You have to put your best out there and spread the word you’re looking. Online dating is a way to go but with online dating you will find that most people post pictures taken during their better days. But what an easier way to look for a date then from the comfort of your home! Then again having the name “foxy” would make any women think you’re a major play!!
Keep the blogs coming we love them down South!!
T
(Foxy's note: Thanks for the tips!)
Posted by: T | March 15, 2007 3:20 PM
Foxy,
The first kiss is also all important simply because if she doesn't like the way that you kiss then it could very well signal the end of any future relationship with this woman. The first kiss is often a make it or break it type of thing. On the other hand, she might just enjoy kissing just as much as you do and not assign as much importance to it as either "Elaine" or I have made it out to be.
I married the guy I was dating in high school and found myself divorced 13 years later. When it came to dating, I was lost in the biggest sense of the word. Luckily enough, I didn't have to enter that world as a friend of mine introduced me to someone he knew and we hit it off. I have to give you your props, Foxy, because you're at least willing to get your feet wet in an endeavor that I wouldn't even take a step toward.
(Foxy's note: What? You mean the girl might not like the way I kiss?)
Posted by: Kathy | March 15, 2007 1:25 PM
Foxy, you're going to get a ton of feedback on this subject...as you should! Sounds to me like you are in need of some serious guidance. Thank God when I began dating again after a 22 year relationship, I met my perfect match almost immediately. Dating was definitely "uncharted waters" for me in the 21st century but I learned that some of the old tricks still work such as learning to choke out a "yes, dear" even if I don't really mean it!! Women seem to want to have more control in relationships and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Try computer dating if you're looking for a real adventure! Good Luck!
(Foxy's note: Thanks for the tips! Computer dating scares me ... who in the world would click on info about some guy named "Foxy"?)
Posted by: speedy | March 14, 2007 2:55 PM