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There Must Be an Easier Way!
I'll try to be delicate about all this, but the last 48 hours have not been fun. This morning I was scheduled for a medical procedure at the CVPH Ambulatory Services. There is nothing really wrong or threatening, but it was one of those now-that-you're-sixty-you-should-do-this procedures.
So, in preparation, on Tuesday at 4pm I took two little pills. I mean, these were the smallest pills I have ever seen, slightly larger than two grains of salt. It amazes me how such a little pill can cause such havoc.
So, dutifully, I spent all of Tuesday night at home with all my household facilities within easy reach. It was also my last chance to eat. I snacked throughout the evening, hoping to store up some extra energy to get me through the medical procedure on Thursday. At 11:30pm I enjoyed a soda and some chips and dip.
That would be my last solid food until the completion of the medical procedure. It is amazing how good food looks when you can't eat it. No matter where I drove on Wednesday, I saw signs "Serving Breakfast All Day" or "Michigans 99 cents" or "Bucket of Chicken Value Meal."
How can someone go all day without eating? I called a certain someone on her cell phone, hoping to find some sympathy. "Where are you?" I asked.
"At Mickey D's ordering food," she replied. I hung up.
And then waited for Wednesday at 4pm when I would start drinking something called TryLite. You add water to this gallon jug which contains crystals. It very much resembled Epsom salts, which my Mom used to make me soak my feet in when I had blisters.
I think Epsom salts would have tasted better as well. This Trylite, even though it was ice cold, tasted like Alka-Seltzer or maybe swamp water. I had to drink six ounces every fifteen minutes until the gallon jug was finished.
Do you know how long it takes to drink a gallon of that concoction? From 4pm until 11pm I faithfully downed the prescribed amount. At the completion of each cup I uttered an obscenity and waited for another fifteen minutes to pass.
It didn't take long for this Trylite to work its magic. My house turned into the reality show "Fox on the Run," if you know what I mean. For seven hours I thought I was on the verge of death. There must be an easier way to prepare for this medical procedure. We can send huge vehicles to the moon. But we can't find a way to make this medical procedure easier for Foxy Gagnon and thousands of other poor souls who know what I'm blogging about.
Many were the times I considered calling the doctor and telling him I couldn't go through with this because I had twisted my ankle scoring the winning run in softball or that I'd cracked my head open racing my cat up the stairs.
But, hey, I've been in the Army, so I could withstand this.
A good night's sleep brought me to Thursday morning and my ride to CVPH for the medical procedure. When I entered I saw a bunch of smiling faces. Obviously these people hadn't been fasting since Tuesday night. These people obviously all had nice breakfasts and wouldn't be undergoing the medical procedure that was my fate.
The staff at CVPH was very organized and professional. They knew what I would be going through. The last I recall I was in the capable hands of a doctor and his technical assistant. A nurse administered IV to put me to sleep.
When I awoke more than two hours later, I had cramps. And I was thirsty. But, surprisingly, I wasn't hungry. According to the reports, all is well inside Foxy Gagnon. I spent today sleeping and, only moments ago, around 8pm did I partake in some food - a grilled cheese sandwich and cup of tomato soup.
I think I'm going to be fine. The nearly two days without solid food had a positive effect. I lost four pounds in two days. I'll gain that back this weekend, no doubt.
I'm feeling great now, but there must be an easier way!
Comments
Hey Foxy glad to hear that you are well after your surgery - believe me the North Country can't afford to lose ANY of its good people and you are certainly one of the best. We will all say a prayer to the Big Guy up above that he doesn't need you quite yet! :) I recently had minor heart surgery (many people up there might say, HE has a HEART?!?) and came through it quite well thanks to the Prairie Heart Institute here in Springfield, Illinois (yep, 2 blocks from where Barack made his VP nomination speech). Needless to say, they can't kill off us two old warhorses yet, right? Get well Foxy, and save me some of those Michigans. It might be awhile before I can eat them again! Our HS team kicks off tonight - I'll be calling the plays in Collinsville - no time to slow down! Best wishes!
(Foxy's note: Great to hear from you, Coach! And thanks for the good words. Good luck on your season!)
Posted by: Dale L. Sprague | August 29, 2008 11:34 AM
fox dog...I don't get it..you guys must be on the elderly side...I see you are ...swinging and swaying to the groovin to the movin...but I haven't had the experience of what you 're going thru ..pretty darm happy tooo!...be there soon...lookin forward to some "pointers" and then again ..i'm not...please fill me in??
(Foxy's note: Nuthin' to look forward to, Carver!)
Posted by: The Carver | August 28, 2008 6:25 PM
Do you realize that if you "purge" your e-mail and temp internet files once in a while that your computer will run a lttile faster?
Do you feel any faster, Foxy?
Plattsburgh State is back! Keep an eye on the eagle!
Posted by: Kern | August 26, 2008 8:58 AM
4 Pounds! Man I've heard it said you were full of it but thats gotta be some kinda record. That's a Lotta Clams my friend.
Posted by: LaPoint | August 25, 2008 9:59 PM
Foxy, way to go, Man. You knew you could do it and you did. Welcome to the club - I've been doing this since 1991 when I was in a head on car accident and passed a lot of blood. At first, I was on the 3 year plan, thank God I'm now on the 5 year plan. The first 4 I had they did not knock me out - they put me into "twilight" which simply means you are conscious but can't open your eyes or think/talk fast, but you definitely feel and hear everything. If they ever do the Barium thing on you and mention "with air" RUN and don't come back! Did that twice mon ami. No mas jefe.
Posted by: Miney Rowlson | August 25, 2008 7:17 AM
Foxy,
There isn't.
Craig Mathews
Posted by: Craig Mathews | August 23, 2008 3:34 PM
Foxy:
Welcome to THE CLUB! So this was your first time, 'eh? What took you so long? I've been doing this since my late forties - no problems detected but the sense of relief is priceless. The medical community has come a long way in that the current anesthesia (that is used up my way) is quick and short lasting. You are awake in your room within minutes of the completion of the procedure. No cramps or other discomfort either. The worst part is the prep as you point out. Too bad that McSweeney's was so far away 'cause a michigan would be the perfect reward after this minor ordeal.
Congrats on the clean bill of health - only 5 years 'till the next one, LOL.
Posted by: Ron Turbide | August 23, 2008 8:35 AM
Hey Fox,
I watched my mother do the whole drinking the yucky stuff thing and running to the bathroom. I am here to tell you, seeing her go through this, even I couldn't eat!!! Yes, I agree a million percent, there has GOT to be a better way!
Posted by: Auntyellow | August 23, 2008 8:31 AM
The last time I had that procedure, I asked my doctor to give my wife a note that said, "His head is not up there".
(Foxy's note: LOL)
Posted by: Me | August 23, 2008 6:56 AM
Gee, Foxy, did you go to a veterinarian or a horse doctor? A gallon of fluid is a little much. My procedure only called for 1/2 gallon of liquids and I "passed" everything with flying colors. The worst part of this test, is definItely the fluids. I'll never drink gatorade again.
Posted by: Fred Forkey | August 22, 2008 9:13 PM
Foxy,
Glad everything came out all right in the end.
(Foxy's note: LOL)
Posted by: Kathy | August 22, 2008 7:02 PM
Foxy, Thought I would weigh in on this. That little procedure you went through might be a bit of a pain however the option is a lot more tragic. I Know. In 2006 I had the same deal and they cut 12 cm of my lower intestine out. Now that was a pain I will never forget. I'm still not 100% but it sure beats the alternative. The good thing to come out of it all is now I can eat some things I hadn't been able to for years. Corn on the cob for one.....Yum
(Foxy's note: Thanks, vonrader -- good point!)
Posted by: vonrader | August 22, 2008 1:19 PM
Foxy; As a person who has recently had the procedure I told the doctor the procedure is easy! But the prep #$%^&*()S! Happy everything went well for you. Tropical Storm Fay has been another pain in @#$%^&*A.12-
.14 inches of rain 3-5 Tornado's,winds and worse part serious flooding! Our two exits are in water about 2-3 feet. We have been stuck in our home since Monday! US 1 Flooded in many areas and local roads too! Roads are getting better and the sun is out today with more rain coming! Many homes in Port St Lucie and surrounding areas have serious flooding issues. Gators, snakes, aminals etc. on the loose! Yet parents are letting children swim in the streets and ponds! Crazy, Crazy! Stay well and have a delicious michigan hot dog for me! I miss them!
Posted by: Lenny Smallacombe | August 22, 2008 11:27 AM
4 pounds in 2 days is pretty good. You need to market that diet. Who needs Atkins, who needs weight watchers. We now have the Dr Gagnon diet. When do you start filming the infomercial ?
(Foxy's note: Sorry, Rick K, I wouldn't put a dog through that diet. There must be an easier way!)
Posted by: Rick K | August 22, 2008 8:06 AM
A few michigans then 5 pounds will return.
Talking about Michigans four of us passed through Plattsburgh on the way To Lake George and Saratoga Springs last week. We had lunch at McSweeney's both going and returning to Ottawa. It was a huge hit. One of our party, John who is originally from England but has been living in Canada for 26 years uttered a candid comment when driving down Cornelia Street on the way to Stewarts for a dessert of ice cream "Norm, this feels like a foreign country". This was an interesting perspective because Plattsburgh is so familiar to me, as is the case with many Montrealers and ex-Montrealers.
I don't know what this has to do with your medical procedure but I thought I would like to share this with all the other readers and blogoteers.
Posted by: Norm | August 22, 2008 6:14 AM