Is A Kiss Just A Kiss?
I must start out with a shout out to Shay! In a recent posting she said "This is a weird question for me because I have been kissing the same person for the last 10 years but, as I dig deep into my memory I am not sure I ever thought about this. I just kissed the way I felt like kissing." Well, I asked the question about kissing from both perspectives (see questions #10 & #11 in blog "I am curious as to ... women and men") because I don't think it would hurt for lovers to think about their love making (kissing being one of the many things lovers can do with one another) instead of just engaging in it. Shay's statement "I just kissed the way I felt like kissing" is quite intriguing. Many of us look at kissing and other intimate acts as stand alone natural reactions. They may be just that, but they also could be so much more. Is it possible that your kiss of her/him recently is connected to some childhood drama, a movie you watched, the way you wanted someone to kiss you, or the way you have always wanted to lip-lock with someone, but never had the courage to do it, until that moment? I don't know if I agree with Bogart's Richard Blane's singing piano player Sam from Casablanca. Is a kiss just a kiss? Well, is it?
Not that all men kiss aggressively, nor all women passively, but if we are socialized to carry out certain behaviours (many unconsciously) why would aggressive or assertive men not be carrying that energy into the bedroom with them as well, or even that momentum into a kiss with a woman. Think about it! And I am really talking about heterosexual relationships here, because I think there is a gender dynamic that plays out in something as non-gendered as a kiss. I mean, when two women kiss passionately gender doesn't have to be a factor (though arguably the influence of gender could still be present). When two men kiss passionately (like in some of the scenes from Brokeback Mountain) that moment also doesn't necessarily have to be gendered either. But is it possible for a man and woman to orally, yet silently speak to one another (a very sensual exchange of oral energy) and only be speaking in their voice? In other words, when I kiss you is it unattached from the world I live in?
So, realizing how confident I am in most things (not all) that I do, why would I not want to be more modest here and there to perhaps discover that as a heterosexual male, my lovers may have been deferring to me in ways that I would have never noticed because they were comfortable letting me take the lead (perhaps also succumbing to their socialization).
Oh, it is complicated living inside my own head, but where else can I go? However, is there something to what I am saying, or do I see a phenomenon that others don't see?