Gendered Games/She said - He said: But is either even listening?
Our infant years of being preassigned color preferences (blue or pink) couldn't have also shaped other choices we would later make, right? Our adolescent years of playing/not playing with dolls couldn't be the reason we think and act so differently, could it? Well, many scholars suggest that some of the reasons why extraordinary humans of differing genders seem to take a liking to one another transcends a biological predisposition to procreation! There has got to be more to it than the occasional acknowledgment that one of us has a high degree of presence (she/he's hot!). Why is it that women and men like, lust, and love so differently?
I once had an argument with a woman that I still don't quite understand! While we definitely had a difference in opinion, it somehow escalated to an epic emotional exchange! She got upset with me for being condescending when--since she wasn't grasping my point-- I acted surprised before I took another approach to try to make my point! I got upset with her because she was so agitated with me that she continually violated our unwritten rules of engagement and interrupted me over and over again (though I may have been a bit long winded)! Eventually I was so immersed in precisely packaging my points that I couldn't creatively cogitate! Consequently she then decided to overcompensate in an effort to cease interrupting me and went mute. We were then doing our verbal dance in eerie silence, essentially abound in non-verbal vicissitude! Please someone, anyone, tell me I am not alone in being lost in these gendered games!
Yes I am aware of the Mars-Venus rationale. Yes I know that allegedly men are framed as more rational and women more emotional (though our gendered responses to road rage challenge that notion). But what is a person to do when she/he notices this unavoidable pattern of behavior? Do we inform our love interest that he/she is unknowingly conforming to stereotypical gendered behavior? Or do we consider the peril of doing that and in the process possibly manipulating the behavior of our stereotypical acting amour?
I got upset with a woman once because she felt as if I needed to check in with her before I made certain moves, just to keep her in the know! If I didn't call her a certain amount of times a day or take too long (in terms of hours) responding to her efforts to communicate she would either give me some dimension of the silent treatment /pout or just not return my calls for a few days. Ironically she would even get angry at me because I wouldn't get jealous since I am not "usually" the jealous type! She was quite stunning in a variety of ways and had grown accustomed to men in her life exhibiting certain levels of insecurity around losing her. I never felt that way because I was in perpetual disbelief of having even gained her attention! So I almost expected the dream to end! Those of you who have been on different sides of this equation or anything like it, please share your insight. What would you/did you do?
As humans we can frame almost anything we do in the context of a game! It might be more because our competitive urge to succeed rises. However it always feels as if so much more is at stake when we enter the gender games! Is it possible that romantic relationships would be less complex/competitive/contentious if we communicated better? How do we do this?